Throughout a person's life, many decisions must be made. Among them, one of the biggest and most difficult is choosing a life partner. For some, this decision is made easily, but ensuring a lifelong, smooth relationship is not as simple as it seems. In this article, let’s discuss the factors you should consider when choosing a partner for a lifetime.

Theories That Are Hard to Practice

Everyone has different perspectives and various standards when it comes to choosing a life partner, what kind of person to choose, which traits are important, and so on. A common debate is the theory of whether one should follow the heart or the brain.

In reality, most of these are just theories that are difficult to fit into real-life practice. This is because every individual’s life situation, personal standards, needs, and levels of tolerance are different. Therefore, setting aside those variables, let’s discuss how to choose a life partner from the most fundamental and common perspectives.

Love and Reality

When we talk about "Love vs. Reality," it might seem like we are just talking about choosing between the heart and the brain. However, it goes deeper than that. The heart can lie to itself by saying, "I truly love them," and the brain can lie by saying, "I can live this life." But those lies do not change the actual nature of love and reality. Therefore, the primary perspectives to consider are: What kind of love do you want? And what kind of reality are you willing to face?

Let’s use an example to clarify. Suppose the love you want is one where you mutually support each other's growth and success, and the reality you want to face is a comfortable, wealthy, and close-knit family life. If the person you love does not enjoy working hard and prefers a very passive, easy-going life, a long-term partnership will likely be difficult. You might lie to yourself because your heart loves them, claiming you can live their way. Many people do this. However, when you face the reality of daily life, the mismatch with your core standards will make a lifelong union very challenging.

This is why self-awareness is crucial. Before choosing a long-term partner, make sure you clearly know the kind of love you desire and the kind of life you want to live.

The "80 Percent" Matching

If you are looking for someone who meets every societal standard and perfectly matches every single one of your requirements, let me suggest discarding that thought. Perfection does not exist in this world. A common, realistic piece of advice is that if you like even half of a person's traits, you should commit. In reality, you can reasonably hope for about 80 percent. Generally, couples who live together happily and long-term find that they are a match for about 80 percent of things, while the remaining 20 percent is managed through compromise.

The 20 Percent You Dislike

In a long-term relationship, that 20 percent takes an important place. You need to decide together whether you can accept, tolerate, or find an agreement to navigate the 20 percent of things you don't like. Sometimes, the things you dislike can overshadow the 80 percent you love and become a reason for a breakup.

For example, suppose 80 percent of their traits provide the love you want and help create the life you desire. However, in the 20 percent, they have a trait you dislike, perhaps they are overly obsessed with social circles. If you don't reach an agreement on this point early on, it can become a major obstacle to a long-term partnership. Therefore, the second point is: make your decision only after you truly understand their "80 and 20."

"Happily" Ever After

Everyone wants the fairytale ending: "And they lived happily ever after." The most important word here is "happily." Some people stay together until the end of their lives, but not “happily”. If you think about it, in the short span of a human life, such an existence feels unfulfilled. Spending a life with a pair of hands that brings no joy is like pouring water into sand. Therefore, when considering a long-term partner, if you believe you will be happy for a lifetime, go for it. Don't be so unwise as to choose an unhappy life with your eyes closed.

The intent of this article is not to tell you exactly who to choose as a life partner. It simply offers perspectives on how you should choose. Human life is as exhausting and difficult as it is short. A pair of hands that can halve life's burdens and double the moments of joy is the most precious gift a person can receive. May your choices be right so that you may find such a gift.